Baptism of fire...

The contracts are signed. The moving date is set. Me and HTB are both equally terrified and not doing an overly good job of hiding it.

I know the change of lifestyle is weighing on his mind, and who can blame him? Jumping from bachelor to a ready-made 2.4 scenario is a huge leap.What's taking me - (and seemingly everyone else) - by surprise is the fact the I'm worried about the lifestyle change! Everyone seems to be all "Oh, you must be so relieved not to have to be a single parent anymore." Well, yes, I am... but that's not really the point.

At the minute I live in my house, I pay -(or occasionally don't pay)- the bills, if something needs sorting then I sort it. If I don't sort it, then that's my fault and I'm the one affected and I bear the consequences.

You see, what I didn't realise 'til now was that a big part of my "coping strategy" for the whole lone parent thing was to focus on the fact I'm totally independent and am not accountable to anyone... but now I am. Don't get me wrong here, HTB is as far from a domineering, sexist 1940's man-ape as you can get. However, the fact remains if I screw-up some budgeting, make a bad decision regarding the household or mis-handle a situation with the kids, it is going to affect him. Suddenly what you realise you were willing to put yourself through in given situations, is not something you are willing to put the person you love through.

For example, a couple of years ago I dropped the 9-5 to work for myself. It meant I had no idea what money was coming in when, basically living from one week to the next. It worked out great, but occasionally I'll want some new equipment or to invest in something, and invest personal money into it... which often means doing without nights out and luxuries for a few weeks. These were things I was happy to do, sacrifices I chose to make because I wanted to reach a certain goal. They are not however things I would expect him to have to do.

Maybe it's selfishness. Maybe it's a guilt complex. More than likely it's just another part of the big adjustment we're about to go through!