Ok so last week Daughter decided she wanted her ears pierced. So off we went to the local jewellers shop. Upon arrival Son spotted a flat stud with a tribal pattern on it, clearly designed with men/boys in mind. As soon as he saw it he asked it he could have it, so I said yes.
Did I consult my Ex-H before doing this... no. Although I know a lot of single parents who would, I didn't. This isn't because I actively disregard my Ex-H's advice or views regarding our children, it's simply because more often or not, he simply finds bothering to have one a little too much bother! He doesn't attend parents evenings, he doesn't enquire as to who there friends are, he doesn't bother to enquire about their hobbies, he certainly doesn't do anything to actively involve himself in them. Given his past history of involvement, I assumed whether or not the kids had their ears pierced was my concern alone... apparently not.
After returning from a night at their Dad's house Son was decidedly quiet. I, like I think a lot of mothers would, chalked it up to a late night and a little too much junk food. That was until 2am when I was awoken by the bathroom light and quiet little "ouch, ouch, ouch" mutterings.
Apparently Ex-H had taken a slight dislike to Son's earring, to the point Son was so worried about his darling fathers reaction, he decided to get himself up in the middle of the night and pull it out his ear. Luckily the damage Son did whilst slightly ham-fistedly removing earring was temporary swelling and a small amount of bleeding which was quickly remedied with a ice pack.
I can not equate in words how angry I was at this point, having a child willing to hurt themselves - (in however minor a way) - because of their Dad's reaction to something is not in anyway acceptable. However, I was also willing to accept that regardless of his reaction and whether or not he should have had it in the first place, it was unlikely that his intent was to cause actual harm or distress to Son. Which leaves my in the difficult spot of how to handle it, the last thing I want is huge showdown with Ex-H.
So... I phoned Ex-H's Mum! Me and Grandma-B have always gotten on very well, and as she is well aware of his temperament she was the logical place to go to for advice. It turns out this was a good idea, she contacted Ex-H and made him aware of situation, he then phoned me to apologise and speak to Son and apologise to him. Son is still less than impressed and not his Dad's biggest fan at the moment, but peace has been restored for the time being...
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