Ex Husbands... constantly reminding you why you divorced them...

Ok so last week Daughter decided she wanted her ears pierced. So off we went to the local jewellers shop. Upon arrival Son spotted a flat stud with a tribal pattern on it, clearly designed with men/boys in mind. As soon as he saw it he asked it he could have it, so I said yes.

Did I consult my Ex-H before doing this... no. Although I know a lot of single parents who would, I didn't. This isn't because I actively disregard my Ex-H's advice or views regarding our children, it's simply because more often or not, he simply finds bothering to have one a little too much bother! He doesn't attend parents evenings, he doesn't enquire as to who there friends are, he doesn't bother to enquire about their hobbies, he certainly doesn't do anything to actively involve himself in them. Given his past history of involvement, I assumed whether or not the kids had their ears pierced was my concern alone... apparently not.

After returning from a night at their Dad's house Son was decidedly quiet. I, like I think a lot of mothers  would, chalked it up to a late night and a little too much junk food. That was until 2am when I was awoken by the bathroom light and quiet little "ouch, ouch, ouch" mutterings.

Apparently Ex-H had taken a slight dislike to Son's earring, to the point Son was so worried about his darling fathers reaction, he decided to get himself up in the middle of the night and pull it out his ear. Luckily the damage Son did whilst slightly ham-fistedly removing earring was temporary swelling and a small amount of bleeding which was quickly remedied with a ice pack.

I can not equate in words how angry I was at this point, having a child willing to hurt themselves - (in however minor a way) - because of their Dad's reaction to something is not in anyway acceptable. However, I was also willing to accept that regardless of his reaction and whether or not he should have had it in the first place, it was unlikely that his intent was to cause actual harm or distress to Son. Which leaves my in the difficult spot of how to handle it, the last thing I want is huge showdown with Ex-H.

So... I phoned Ex-H's Mum! Me and Grandma-B have always gotten on very well, and as she is well aware of his temperament she was the logical place to go to for advice. It turns out this was a good idea, she contacted Ex-H and made him aware of situation, he then phoned me to apologise and speak to Son and apologise to him. Son is still less than impressed and not his Dad's biggest fan at the moment, but peace has been restored for the time being...

Baptism of fire...

The contracts are signed. The moving date is set. Me and HTB are both equally terrified and not doing an overly good job of hiding it.

I know the change of lifestyle is weighing on his mind, and who can blame him? Jumping from bachelor to a ready-made 2.4 scenario is a huge leap.What's taking me - (and seemingly everyone else) - by surprise is the fact the I'm worried about the lifestyle change! Everyone seems to be all "Oh, you must be so relieved not to have to be a single parent anymore." Well, yes, I am... but that's not really the point.

At the minute I live in my house, I pay -(or occasionally don't pay)- the bills, if something needs sorting then I sort it. If I don't sort it, then that's my fault and I'm the one affected and I bear the consequences.

You see, what I didn't realise 'til now was that a big part of my "coping strategy" for the whole lone parent thing was to focus on the fact I'm totally independent and am not accountable to anyone... but now I am. Don't get me wrong here, HTB is as far from a domineering, sexist 1940's man-ape as you can get. However, the fact remains if I screw-up some budgeting, make a bad decision regarding the household or mis-handle a situation with the kids, it is going to affect him. Suddenly what you realise you were willing to put yourself through in given situations, is not something you are willing to put the person you love through.

For example, a couple of years ago I dropped the 9-5 to work for myself. It meant I had no idea what money was coming in when, basically living from one week to the next. It worked out great, but occasionally I'll want some new equipment or to invest in something, and invest personal money into it... which often means doing without nights out and luxuries for a few weeks. These were things I was happy to do, sacrifices I chose to make because I wanted to reach a certain goal. They are not however things I would expect him to have to do.

Maybe it's selfishness. Maybe it's a guilt complex. More than likely it's just another part of the big adjustment we're about to go through!

The beginning... sort of...

Ok, welcome to my blog! I'm Mum, I have lovely (but exhausting) children, Son and Daughter aged 7 and 6. I also now have a rather lovely Husband-To-Be (henceforth shortened to HTB)... and this is where things get interesting.

You see after getting married very young and having it rather quickly turn into an utter train wreck, I found myself a single mum to a baby and a very young toddler. It took it's toll financially and left some pretty deep scars on my mental health. Anyhoo... a few years later I'm sorted, the kids are doing fine, I run my own home business, they see their Dad pretty regularly... and I've gotten pretty good at the "dating" thing. So that was me pretty much set, I swore blind I would never get married or have a "serious" partner again. As far as the kids could remember it was just us 3, and we were doing just dandy! Why complicate a life with little things like love, partnership, mutual support? Right?

Erm... no... thankfully very wrong. Last year I met HTB, I wouldn't say it was love at first sight, but actually it wasn't far off! We told each other we loved each other after 2 weeks... and a month ago, after many up's and downs he proposed... and I said yes.

Now I'm sure this story will have a "happily ever after" ending (I hope so anyway!). But, I have a feeling that with kids, ex-partners and two very independant people coming together it'll be an interesting journey to the altar.

First challenge: Getting a family home... stay tuned folks, this should be fun...